VOLCAN ARENAL!

Yesterday was one of the most amazing days of my life. It started out with breakfast at the hostel. We decided that we wanted to take a tour of the volcano – but we wanted to “shop around”. There were tons of tours advertised at our hostel, but I just wasn’t jiving with the prices. On our way into the center of La Fortuna, Liz stopped at a roadside booth selling jewelry. We talked to the guy and told him what our plans were, etc… He then told us about his friend Julio who ran RedLava tours – that they were the best in town at the best price. I know, a likely story, but for some reason I took word of mouth over our crazy hostel concierge trying to sell us a lava-dancing-horseback-riding-atv-ziplining-million-dollar tour. So, we went over and talked to one of the guys there. Pay close attention to this one – he enters the story again later. We talked to him in Spanish, and originally he was going to charge us $45 for the tour, but I talked him down to $35. I was prepared to walk if he made me pay any more. So, we got both of us tickers $70. This included a guided tour, admittance to the observatory, transportation to and from our hostel, a hike down to the water fall, nighttime lava watching, and some time at the natural hot springs. Our hostel’s tours included admittance to baldi hot springs, but it was an actual spa (not natural!).  The hot springs we went to were definitely off the beaten path. More about those comes later. Our tour, in total, lasted from 2:00 p.m. to about 10:00 p.m. And oh my god, our tour guide was INCREDIBLE. This is where my adventure begins.

We drove to the volcano and started at the observatory. The observatory was a giant wooden deck with chairs at the foot of the volcano maybe a mile away from the base. It was huge and vast and looming and we had excellent views of the volcano and lake arenal. I learned SO MUCH about biology. Our tour guide, Ian, had the most amazing accent. He had studied geology and environmental conservation in college -- and it showed. He was like a fucking encyclopedia. His was fluent in english, and he spoke eloquently with this rhythmic costa rican accent. The best part, however, were the words he threw in. He said “man” a lot – I realized where it came from later when he was telling us how he managed a bunch of Rastafarians doing tours in Belize. He said they never got any work done. Ha. He also had a creole twang – he spoke creole for us (the only way you can order chicken in Belize!) Anyway, he was probably in his late twenties or early thirties – tattooed and strapping. He told us all about how Costa Rica has more endemic species than almost any other place in the world because of its geographic proximity between the two tectonic plates. Many species have migrated from the south to the north – likewise, from the north to the south. Because of the mountainous pockets in Costa Rica, many species remain in these separate miniature ecosystems. BIODIVERSITY FOR THE WIN. I could go on, but there is so much more to say. Lake Arenal is one of the largest manmade lakes in the world – it was created for an impressive hydroelectric energy project. It now supplies 30% of all the electricity for Costa Rica.

So, from there we saw the CUTEST little creature that was apparently a cousin of the raccoon and several amazing tropical birds. Of course, I don’t remember any of their names. I was too distracted by how much our tour guide new about EVERY SPECIES in the rainforest of plants and animals AND his encyclopedia-like knowledge of evolutionary biology. He showed us plants that form their leaves in a helix around the stem as an evolutionary advantage – that way they can all absorb sunlight. I also learned about philodendrons – as their etymology describes, they are tree-lovers. They grow by wrapping around really tall trees to get sun at the top of the canopy. They also have spread out grooves in their leaves to prevent them from catching wind and rainwater (it would tear them from their stems at that height – thus killing them). Ian – being the badass that he is – harvested a sugar cane stick (he told us to watch out for park rangers, hahaha) and cut it up for us to eat after we jumped into the waterfall. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. At one point, he stopped, and was like “Does anyone have a cigarette?” I seriously didn’t think he could be serious. One of the guys handed him one. He lit it up, took a few puffs, then picked a few flowers. “What are the rules of a creating a chemical reaction? High school chemistry anyone?” No one had the answer. “Combining elements or adding heat.” As he said this, he pressed his cigarette to the pink flower first and it turned a BRIGHT NEON BLUE. It was fucking AWESOME. Then, there was a darker shade of magenta on the second flower. It turned a deep purple. I am still amazed at how much of a badass this guy was. Once we started off the beaten path and into the foliage around the base of the volcano, we got to see a male howler monkey. It turns out that howler monkeys are all brown except for their genitals, which are a bright white. Ian told a story – borrowed from the oral tradition of the Bribri tribe. (The Bribri were the autochthonous people of the Talamanca region, living in the mountains and Caribbean coastal areas of Costa Rica and northern Panama. They’re still around – they live without electricity and subsist entirely on agriculture. Central American Amish, perhaps?) So, the story is that the howler monkey made a lot of noise. It would screech and scream and wail. Finally, one of the other monkeys warned the howler monkey that the God Sibu was becoming angry at its antics. The howler monkey continued wailing until, one day, Sibu struck it with a bolt of lightning. All it could to was put its hands over its monkey junk. That’s why it’s black with a white penis and balls. So awesome. We wandered through the rainforest for awhile longer before scaling the side of this really steep cliff down to the waterfall. After we climbed down, We were able to strip down to our bathing suits and dive in. It was absolutely exhilarating. There was mist everywhere, the sound of the water pounding down from the waterfall was deafening. We couldn’t see anything beyond the dense foliage and incredibly tall trees. The sky barely peeked through the canopy. It was freezing. I’ve never felt anything like that in my life. So, I layered on my clothes over my wet bathing suit and trudged back up the cliff. We had to make good time because daylight was almost gone. We got back to the observatory quickly. Ian talked with Liz and I for awhile. We told him how we’re staying here until January, what are farm is like, etc… He gave us his email and phone number and said we could stay with him in Arenal anytime we wanted. He also said he has a house in San Jose that we can use if we’re ever there, and that he’s taking a trip to Cocorvado in the south in mid September and we are welcome to come with him. He’s doing geological work, and he is going to show us the whole preserve. Apparently, it’s really exotic there. Turtles, dolphins, whales, tropical birds of every kind…I’m so excited. He also spent about 30 minutes telling us how to identify snakes, how to tell which ones are poisonous, and how to treat snake bites. Pit vipers have triangular heads because their poison glands are behind their eyes. They can also open their jaw at 180 degrees, so they’re more dangerous. They tend to coil and strike, but they’re dormant for about 20 days after each kill. It also takes 15-21 days to regenerate the venom, so 20% of the time, a bite won’t kill you. He said he got a “dry bite” once in the Caribbean. His leg was swollen and sore for a week, but he lived. If it would have been a venomous bite, he said he definitely would have died. He was three hours away from the nearest hospital. He also told us that Costa Rica keeps these facts under wraps: 800 people each year in Costa Rica get bitten by snakes. Around 10% lead of these bites lead to amputation, and 1% of those bitten will die. Kind of terrifying. He taught us the following: Never use a tourniquet after getting bitten. It will lead to mandatory amputation. Don’t suck the venom out with your mouth. If you have a cavity or a hole in your teeth, the neurotoxins in snake venom (especially in the coral snakes) will get right into your central nervous system and you will be paralyzed within minutes. The hallucinations will begin soon after. He also said never attempt to make an incision on a snake bite. Most snake venoms have anticoagulants, so you will bleed to death. Also “black and yellow kills a fellow – red and black, you’re a safe jack”. Some of the non-venomous snakes mimic the colors of the poisonous varieties as an evolutionary advantage. So, yes. Good to know. After he lead us on the road for awhile, he took us to a natural hot spring. This was NOT touristy at all. Only locals were there, and it was pitch black in the middle of a dense outcropping of the side of the road. We had to climb down and slide down this concrete bank where the water was flowing. He pushed us one at a time. GOD IT WAS SO AWESOME. I wish I could explain to you how eerily beautiful the mist in the sparse moonlight. He hung a lantern from one of the trees, so we had a little light. The minerals made my skin feel AMAZING. So yes. Afterwords, he dropped us off at our hostel and we exchanged emails. I cannot wait to hang out with this guy in Cocorvado. He is so fucking awesome. He also said I can email him any pictures of plants, bugs, animals, etc… if I have questions. He can tell me what is edible, what is poisonous, how to make certain plants grow better, and so on. Anything related to nature, costa rica, geology, or just the rainforest in general. Caring for dengue fever. God. So good.

After we got back to the hostel, Liz and I changed really fast and decided to go out for a few hours. I had at least 10 drinks. Liz had more. The bartender was really cute and making eyes at Liz all night. In the middle of our conversation, these two sleazy guys came over and tried to talk to us. The bartender wrote us a note in Spanish telling us not to talk to them – they were dangerous. Earlier a fight had broken out outside, and I guess they were involved or something. So we pretended not to speak any Spanish and just ignored them. They eventually went away. THEN – LATER – the guy who sold us the red lava tour (not Ian) was at the bar too! He came over and started talking to us. One of his friends came over too and they stayed with us for a few hours. The bartender looked butt hurt that someone else had Liz’s attention. She did look really hot. Haha. So, we went next door and danced with them for awhile. They bought us shots and drinks. The guy’s friend apparently knows EVERYONE. Turns out, he started the tourism bureau of Arenal. He started the first tours 10 years ago when he was 15 in the back of a pickup truck. Now, he owns one of the largest tour companies in the city. He walked behind the bar and just started talking to us and throwing drinks together. He didn’t work there, and the manager didn’t even blink an eye. He even lit up a cigarette behind the bar – other people would ask him for drinks – real customers – and he told them that he was a “vip” bartender only for Liz and I. So good. Eventually, the guy who sold us the tour ended up being a creeper mccreep with Liz and feeling her up. I decided it was a good time to “get really tired” and “have to go home”. They were pissed at me, but I played the part. They tried to keep us there with the promise of marijuana – but Liz made a good point that it’s probably not wise to take drugs from strange men who want to sleep with us. So, we pretended to go home and ended up going back next door to where the cute bartender was. He was GRINNING when he saw us (Liz) come back. We talked for a bit, then Liz went to the bathroom. I, of course, was wasted. So, in my broken Spanish, I told him that Liz thought he was “muy guapo”. He grinned from ear to ear. He kept coming over and talking to us. Well, I conveniently was tired. I went back to the hostel (it was really close) and she waited for him to get off work. He even drove her home! Super nice guy.

Yeah, so overall it was an epic day. I’m sad to leave La Fortuna. The volcano is looming over the hostel as we speak and smoking a little. Quite scenic.